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Although we're both still young, I need you to know how much I care - hopefully this will help. I met you on the first day I got back from college. I hadn't even unpacked when you showed up at my front door. I had no clue why I'd given a complete stranger my address, promised myself I wouldn't get in your car, and was still confused as to why I had turned down everyone else because I didn't want to do anything that day, yet I said yes to you. I was sure we'd just go for a walk, you'd get bored of me, and then you'd drive away and I'd never hear from you again. But as we walked over to your car, even though I kept telling myself to not get in and to insist we just walk, I gave you my heart and I slipped into the passenger's seat beside you. That was my first time sitting in the passenger's seat while you drove. I never thought it would happen again. How was I supposed to know that I'd end up spending more time driving with you than with anyone else? We went to the park and I have to admit that as you got out of the car first, I checked you out. I'll never forget how incredibly lucky I felt just to be alone with you. It's crazy to think that feeling happens every day now, but it does. Anyway, we stumbled on that carnival and didn't go on a single ride or play a single game, just were snarky and I grabbed your hand. You even made me eat cotton candy even though I'm notorious for hating it. But for some reason, I loved it. We envied Dora, wandered around, and basically just did nothing. It was the best day of my life up until that point. Now every day since has been progressively better than the last. Even on the worst days, I know that there's a man who loves me in his own way. I may not understand him all the time, and he certainly doesn't understand why he cares about a piece of work like me, but he loves me. It hasn't even been a year since that day. We've gone through a lot of firsts since our first drive together, and I hope we'll keep finding new things to do for the first time. Yes, we're incredibly young right now and there are an infinite number of firsts ahead of us, but life is short. I have no way of knowing how much longer I'll have you beside me, and I don't want to leave with any regrets. You said that things are different when we're together. Just easier and simpler. I'm hoping that we can find somewhere at some point that makes us feel at home. Somewhere you find peace. I find that peace when I'm in your arms, when I can hear your heartbeat. The scar on your chest reminds me each day that I'm beyond lucky to have you. More than anything, I wish that I could give you my heart so that you never had to go through another operation. I wish that my heart could be taken to stop any further pain. Hopefully my standing by your side through no matter what happens will suffice. I'm not the most eloquent person, and no matter how hard I try I'm difficult to understand, but just know that I love you in every way, will do anything I can to take care of you the way you take care of me, that I need you more than I thought I ever could, and no matter what happens - I'm yours.
January 2014 |
