| This tree belongs to Amanda and Kevin. |
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Thank you for once loving me. I think that at one stage, you did genuinely love me with everything you had. It's just that somewhere along the way, you got lost and just didn't want to put in the effort anymore. You once infiltrated every part of my life, my Friday nights, Saturday mornings and you fit into my 9-11 time slot every night. We knew each other for 4 years before we finally ended up together. It was the bravest and riskiest step I ever made. Ultimately, if things didn't work out between us, our friendship was over. But I was betting on a happy relationship which I would of otherwise always wondered about until I was 80. What would it be like to be with you? I think the problem was that I loved you too fast too soon. I thought that 4 years of extra friendship somehow equated to 4 years of relationship. I had our future all mapped out in my head. I met your family and started naming imaginary kids and pets. Maybe I freaked you just a little bit too much. But at least now when I'm 80, I will remember that I once loved you wholeheartedly and without reserve.
You were my best friend, my home and my shelter from the storm. You knew all the good, bad and weird things about me and would protect me before I got hurt. You accepted my weird eating habits, and I loved your passionate hate for mushrooms. I secretly loved how you'd lick my nose to annoy me and how you used the mole on your finger to tell you which was the right hand. I love all these things about Kevin. My favourite moment with you was when we kissed in the rain.I hated your lack of punctuality and the way you shake your leg. I wish that you'd eat more vegetables or else you get gall bladder problems. I wish that I taught you how to cook more while we were together. I wish that you'd take better care of yourself. I know that you think you're very functional, and that you're still alive, but you really need to learn all the basic domestic skills. I wish we bought those converse shoes in Sydney because now we won't have a chance to buy them anymore. Don't smoke shisha. Call your family more often because they miss you too. Go visit your baby sister more, she'll grow up faster than you think. Get a new phone when you come back, your old one has a sucky alarm. Clean your room more often, I won't be there to fold your clothes anymore. I will miss playing Little Big Planet with you, taking afternoon naps with you, eating Saturday breakfasts with you, smelling your fresh laundry, seeing your parked car outside my house and I will miss planning my future with you.
I know that it was hard for you overseas with all the temptations and distractions. Part of me doesn't blame you, because I know it was hard, but part of me hates you for not trying to prevent it from happening. I know that when it comes to relationships, people can't always control their feelings, and they may become strayed, and feelings dampen.That's the hard part about relationships, you chose to be with me. That should of meant that you would stick by me even when times get rough. I hope you learn that people are not expendable. It's a big world out there, and it's fate that brings you together. Don't only focus on instant gratification. Look more long-term. You're a logical person and should realise that one day, you will want to have a person that sticks by you through everything, and not leave you when times get rough. I may resent you now, but ultimately, we were friends for much longer, so I do care about you, and want you to have a happy and fulfilling relationship with someone. I know this was your first relationship, and I guess you're still learning the ropes so I will try and forgive as much as I can. But I must say, I invested everything into you, and now I'm feeling emotionally bankrupt. Having a relationship only to have it end up in shreds really does take a lot out of you. I always felt that the best thing about our relationship was that no matter what happened, we could always trust each other. Sure, there were times when I was jealous, but I always knew in the back of my mind that the jealously I felt was unjustified. Even when other people questioned me about whether you had met someone else, I was positive that you hadn't. I trusted you with everything that I had. Trust is one of those funny things that take years and years to build, so you would think that it's very sturdy. But in reality, all it takes is one thing to damage it, and sadly it will never be the same again.
I am thankful that I got to say one last goodbye to the Kevin in Australia. Kevin in Australia who planned his future with me, who told me nothing would change between us, who told me 4 months would go by quickly, who told me he would miss me as much as I missed him, who told me he owed me 130 kisses whilst he was away. This Kevin wouldn't of ever let the current you hurt me like you did. I loved that Kevin. And I will always remember that our relationship ended romantically. Our relationship ended with you handing me a letter, telling me that you'd miss me and love me forever. We kissed under the tree where you always park your car. I cried as you drove away. The only thing I didn't expect was that you would drive away and never came back. I will always miss that Kevin. I know he's not here anymore, but I have my memories with him in a box and maybe someday when it doesn't hurt anymore I will take his photos out and remember the good times. Had I known that our relationship would've ended so quickly, I would of kissed you for longer that night in the rain. I wish we could eat our favourite sushi one more time, go to korean bbq one more time. Kiss you one more time. Tell you just one more time that I love you.
I've put all my concern, well wishes, loving memories and hatred for you into this letter. Hopefully tomorrow when I wake up I won't feel anything towards you anymore.
Goodbye.
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